My Story - My Why
Growing up I was always active but I was't a runner. I played soccer from about 3rd to 12th grade but I wasn't a runner. I had no real health concerns but then college happened and like many, I gained weight. I went from a size 6 to a size 12 encroaching on 14. I wasn't happy about that. Fortunately, I HAD to sign up for gym/PE credits at the college I was attending as they built a new gym and had to pay for it. God was already working on me and I was clueless. I took aerobic running class, twice, and had an awesome coach. I ran my first ever 5K and dropped down to a size 8. I was hooked but when I moved to Maui it all went to the wayside. I began my slippery slope.
My first husband and I grew apart but yet remain great friends and that is cool. But in those treacherous years I made bad choice after bad choice. I told myself it was okay. I was just going through that college phase I missed in college as I worked through college as a married lady. But that was just me lying to myself. In those dark years I made the worst choice ever in my life and I won't go much into that right now but know this, I was near rock bottom and felt no love for myself. Somewhere in all that gloom I grew close to my now husband; although, our beginning years were full of hurdles including me moving to O'ahu to prove to myself we were meant to be and not me just latching onto a man. I started to seriously run again for my own peace of mind but now I was going to the extreme. I got too thin. I was a size 0 and barely 110 pounds. As much as I liked the number on the scale deep down inside I knew it wasn't good. I forced myself to eat and feared I had anorexic tendencies but I was never anorexic per se. I ate.
Fast forward a couple of years and I thought things were getting good. I moved back to Maui, I got pregnant, and due to past decisions and the emotional trauma, I was fearful every day of my pregnancy. My doctor told me not to run so I did NO workouts. I gained weight. I felt bad. I was losing any self esteem I had left but was blessed with my daughter. My saving grace in so many ways. But I still hadn't hit rock bottom.
Once she was born I had a series of issues and went to the doctor time after time. They just told me I was a new mom and aching and being tired was normal. Then one day I was sitting by the changing table looking at my daughter beside me and felt nothing but empty. I knew I needed help. I broke down and made an appointment to talk to a therapist. I had a lot going on as my dad was recently diagnosed with leukemia as well. The night before my therapy appointment I got a call. My dad started bleeding...in his brain...it was bad. He was on life support and didn't want that. I went numb but still walked into my appointment hours later. My family told me to go. I told the therapist I couldn't talk since it was the worst day ever. She told me then it was the best day ever to talk and I pured my heart out. Everything since my daughter was born up to the call in the middle of the night. I talked. I cried. She listened. At the end she looked at me with the deepest compassion and said dear, you have been suffering from postpartum depression. You need help and things are critical right now. I told her I had to fly to Texas. She said I had to get antidepressants first and take them. I asked if I could wait until I was in Texas and she said yes. Just get them now. I did.
On the plane I felt there was an angel sitting by me and I cried but kept it together as much as I could since my young daughter was with me. As soon as I walked into the hospital I took the first antidepressant. I could now. I had family around me to help me with my daughter if I needed it. I took them for three months and they helped me start running again BUT they were no good for me. I had to stop them. I didn't want to be chemically happy and now I had a new mission --- to run a marathon in memory of my Dad. This was June 2010 as my Dad died in March. I ran my first half in September 2010 and my first full in September 2011. My aunt and mom even flew to Maui to watch me cross the finish line!
In my training long runs I felt God calling me back. Slowly but surely he called me back. My spirit was meant to run. Running had a meaning only he knew. Over the years he has slowly revealed his plan to me and mainly revealed I cannot do it all on my own. He called me to sign up as a Beachbody coach and almost instantly it is changing my life....for the better.
In just 10 days of my first challenge I am more energized, I see new meaning in life, and I am eating better (hence the improved energy due to no more sugar crashes). But this has already extended beyond me. Darling daughter is working out with me and teaching her pets the workouts. You should see her bunny "jack it out" with her! Beyond cute!! My husband is the happiest I have seen him in YEARS! He keeps saying how this is good for me and how proud he is of me doing the new workouts. Seriously?! I am investing more time and energy (and some funds) into myself and EVERYONE IS HAPPIER! As a working mom I NEVER invested in myself much. Money would be "wasted" on me. Oh how wrong I was!
The best part, I can finally look at myself in the mirror and see the child of God that God has loved so greatly and you know what? I am loving myself again. This is HUGE! The scars I carry will always be there but I finally can forgive myself and LOVE myself. And to think, a challenge through Beachbody is making this happen to the fullest!
My story of success isn't a huge weight loss story but a story of endurance. A story of overcoming obstacles and finding my way. A story of faith, trust, and hope. Yes, hope. Hope that this is the means and the way for dear hubby to retire in 3 years (he is 20 years older than me). A hope that this is the means and the way for my family to move back to the mainland to be closer to my mom, sisters, and all of our extended family. And a means and the way to do what I always wanted to do --- to help others find their strong and happiness through and active and fit life.
Won't you join me today?
Follow my journey through this blog, on facebook, and sign up for my monthly newsletter, Running Mom News.
I am done slacking. I will do what God has called me to do. I look forward to working with you, inspiring you, and our joint accountability groups. We can achieve so much together. My vision includes Challenge Groups, FREE workouts, recipe ideas, clean eating motivation, and most importantly.....support.
I am dreaming up a team name and contemplating TEAM ENDURANCE. What do you think? I would love to hear your thoughts and input too as this will become our team. You, me, and so many others united to be stronger and healthier peeps --- emotionally and physically. Won't you join me?
Daily Gratitude: I am thankful for God's persistence and love.
Daily Bible Verse: And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ~ Hebrews 12:1
P.S. Maybe one day I will make it through this story without crying. My eyes are now puffy red and my nose all stuffy.