Beyond Exhaustion

I have been really tired the past 7-10 days. I have taken mini naps on many days and strive to get to bed earlier but life happens and it doesn't always pan out the way I hope. And sleeping has been good for the most part but morning wake up calls are coming earlier than expected with earthquakes, heavy rain, and just life.

I am trying not to read more into it but today after picking up darling daughter and her beginning the sassy stage she is in I just told her to read her homework assignment, set my alarm, and laid down to sleep...and yes, she woke me up 30 minutes later and I was half annoyed, half happy. Annoyed as I set my alarm for an hour. Happy that I got any nap at all. But it left me wondering...can this sassy phase literally be sucking out all my energy leaving me exhausted? As soon as it all started again I just wanted to collapse. Perhaps it is the sassiness or perhaps I am just too tired for silliness, unnecessary arguments, and over the top drama over every little thing...and add in those crazy lies kids try to pull and I am done. I know this is just another phase we will go through in growing up and as much as I say enough, let's move on to the next I remember how over it I was with potty training. Can I hit rewind?

She really is a good girl and I love her beyond belief and I do love her spunk. I know it will all serve her well in life and to be honest, I can be a bit sassy myself. She didn't pick it up on the side of the street and she is smart. Too smart. The other day when we were leaving the local farm and she had a meltdown over not getting the bunny there I asked why on Earth did she have to ruin the whole trip over a bunny I said no to when we have a bunny and a guinea pig at home and no place to put another bunny to begin with. Her answer, why are you saying my couple of minutes of sass ruined the whole time? Truth there. I was focused on the end not the whole time but I kindly pointed out that all the garbage at the end was making it hard for me to see all the good. She said she understood. Now if only she can remember that next time she doesn't get what she wants and tries to become a sassafras. The funny thing is, I NEVER say yes when she gives me grief. She knows that. You would think she would take that smartness and become sweeter, not sassier, when she wants something. Shhh....don't teach her that trick. I need to try to stay one step ahead.

So tell me moms, is this what being a mom is all about? Turning grey way too early, falling asleep overwhelmed, and being full of unconditional love yet still wondering when will they ever learn.

Daily Gratitude: I am grateful for motherhood.

Daily Bible Verse: She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. ~ Proverbs 31:26


Training Update and vote for Toby!

The past week was tough for various reasons: I was off more days with darling daughter and her Spring Break, I was focused on my faith and Holy Week, I was really feeling the triduum deeply this year and between that and mourning my dad's death (he died six years ago come March 31st) I was fighting depression and low motivation, and I was beyond tired with the outbreak of another bout of Herpes. All of this combined made running according to plan near impossible. So here is what I did run:
  • Monday: 1 mile
  • Tuesday: 3.1 miles
  • Wednesday: 3.11 miles split between two runs
  • Thursday: 5.1 miles split between two runs
  • Friday: 1 mile
  • Saturday: 10.4 miles split between three runs with baking and laundry breaks between them
  • Sunday: 2 miles

I had really hoped to run 13+ miles on Friday but with fasting I decided this was a bad idea. I thought I would pull it off Saturday but I woke up with no desire to run. I just felt like blah. But I am happy with determination and an interesting running strategy that I broke double digits.

And for 5.2 miles I lost my time as I accidentally hit reset on my treadmill but this leads to a cute story. When I exclaimed what happened darling daughter asked if the run still counts. I said yes and she was relieved as she was worried about my running streak. Gotta love that girl!!!

I am also happy to announce come Sunday I was beginning to feel more like me. Jesus felt near and present again and praise God for that! I was so troubled this year by how much he suffered for our sins....my sins. I watched The Passion of the Christ and sobbed so much. My heart and soul were yelling you killed my king!!! I killed my king. My sins killed my king. I think you can see why I was tumbling into a very low spot but in retrospect I am grateful. Grateful that I care enough to cry. Grateful I care enough to hurt. Grateful that I care enough to try to be a better me in all aspects of life. Grateful that God gave me the gift of being able to run for Toby and you can see my progress in my virtual mission to run from Maui to Nebraska in this post's header image.

By the way, my buddy's mom entered him into the Great Bike Giveaway for the chance to win an adaptive buddy bike. Voting ends March 30th. Please vote and share!

Daily Gratitude: I am thankful for God's forgiveness.

Daily Bible Verse: The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. ~ Matthew 28:5-6


7 days left to vote for Toby

There is only a week left to vote for my buddy, Toby, to win an adaptive buddy bike and he has slipped into 4th place. He was in 2nd for awhile and he needs to be in 1st to be guaranteed a bike.

This is a BIG thing and means a lot to me as there are 600 kids in the Great Bike Giveaway all deserving and hoping to win a bike so they can feel the wind in their hair. There are different types of adaptive bikes to fit the different needs of these special needs kids. The winners are not only selected by top votes in their categories as there are some random selections as well. I do support this structure as it makes in more than a "popularity" contest but I also want to see my buddy winning a bike. As of now, less than 100 bikes are fully funded. If all 600 bikes are funded, all 600 kids win a bike BUT no donation is necessary to vote. You can only vote once so please, take a couple of minutes and vote for my buddy HERE and please, please, please share the link or this post to help spread the word. Every vote counts and every share makes a difference. Let's be that small stone that creates HUGE ripples that lets my buddy and many more kids win a bike!

You can learn about a Buddy Bike HERE but from their website:

The Buddy Bike® is the alternative inline tandem bicycle (bicycle for two) that places the stoker (smaller rider) in the front seat while the rear rider controls the steering. The Buddy Bike has a lower front seat so both riders can safely enjoy the view. It is shorter in length than a typical tandem, making it easier to store and transport. The Buddy Bike is CPSC safety-rated for up to 380 pounds; making it the ultimate family bike that can be enjoyed by riders of most ages and abilities. The features of the Buddy Bike offer adaptive outdoor recreation and therapeutic activity to riders with cognitive or physical disabilities who may not be able to ride a bicycle safely on their own or who do not have the strength to pedal a bike alone. The Buddy Bike allows riders with autism, down syndrome, sight impairment or other disabilities to experience the thrill of riding a bicycle with the whole family. They are no longer left behind! 

Daily Gratitude: I am thankful to run for my buddy and to be his ambassador in this giveaway.

Daily Bible Verse: Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. ~ Philippians 2:4


I QUIT! {not really}

These words have been popping in and out of my mind like crazy this past week. All I hoped to achieve never happened. Okay, that isn't entirely true. A lot did happen and a lot of unplanned goodness happened, just my running was not so much. Ironically, a couple of old posts popped up on my facebook memory feed and they were perfectly timed. One was a reminder that running is more than the quantity of miles and one was a reminder that quitting is not an option.

These old posts revitalized part of my mind about blogging. It wasn't all for nothing as at least my past posts helped me out. The quitting post came on a day I was wondering why on Earth do I run every day. Why not just quit? Would it really matter? Of course I had already made up my mind that it would matter and was dressed and ready to go when I saw the quitting post but it reminded me, we all have days we want to throw in the towel and personally, I was achy, tired, and in need of a good run. I was also feeling bummed that my weekend runs weren't as many miles as I wanted them to be but I had a blast being mommy.

I took darling daughter to horse lessons on Saturday and Sunday PLUS we had a Pony Club in the works meeting and potluck Saturday night, Sunday School and mass on Sunday, AND I made her two new nightgowns. This was after cutting, digging, and yanking an old citronella plant out of my Serenity Garden on Friday afternoon after a photo shoot for work, braving Costco, and getting all the sewing supplies and more. I was beat! And I wonder why I didn't run more. Silly me!

I am happy to say, all the work made my back whine a bit BUT no major pains or steps back so that is a plus but my left hip continues to be its pesky self. It never got back to how it was years ago before I tore that piriformis muscle. I just imagine scar tissue in there messing with things and if I do not stretch and do what I am supposed to do, it whines. I know, stretch girl, stretch! But there is only so much time!

Also in the past week we had horse lessons on Tuesday (we normally do them twice a week but crazy weather has shifted stuff all around), penance service on Wednesday (I LOVED that!), and I had a training session that lasted more than 2 hours on Thursday after work to be a Silent No More Regional Coordinator (Yay me! But oh my...so much to do!), and a science fair to go to that night AND I just found out yesterday, darling daughter's project placed! Yay girl! Happy dance, happy dance, woot! woot!

Daily Gratitude: I am thankful for mercy.

Daily Bible Verse: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-7


Training Update - #irun4toby Mission Report

Another week has passed and I got to say, I am happy with my training this week. So let's fast forward directly to that!

  • Monday: 4.1 miles with an average pace of 9'34"
  • Tuesday: 4.5 miles with an average pace of 9'21"
  • Wednesday: 4.6 miles with an average pace of 9'14"
  • Thursday: 1 mile at a 10'00" pace fighting to keep my sanity during a pre-school meltdown, 7.25 miles at an average pace of 9'47", and 1.6 miles at a 10'00" as we waited to see if horse was a go - it was much to darling daughter's excitement
  • Friday: 2.3 miles at an average pace of 9'39"
  • Saturday: 13.1 miles at an average pace of 9'34" done in pyramid run style
  • Sunday: 2 miles at a 10'00" pace

What worked? Focusing on prayers during my running as I incorporated saying the rosary, hydrating with SOS, applying heat to my pesky hip/glutes, stretching, and sleeping well at night

What didn't work? Staying 100% focused in prayer, waking up earlier to give my running an earlier start, pre-run nutrition (I think I need to go back to eating something solid in the mornings)

What I hope to achieve next week? 35-40 miles with a long run on Saturday and a mid-length run in the week but with my work at home day shifting this coming week and lots of other commitments, it may be harder to figure out how to accomplish my goals but not impossible, more focused prayer, and 2-3 blog posts

And here is my update on my mission to run to Toby - yes! I am running from Maui to Nebraska (virtually of course) and am still running my way through California and learning some cool stuff along the way.

Daily Gratitude: I am thankful for new running shoes.

Daily Bible Verse: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Luke 11:9


My Lenten Journey Update

It is approximately halfway through Lent and my goals/sacrifices were to cut back to one cup of coffee a day, yell less, and no alcohol.

The purpose of Lent is to grow closer to God and to make sacrifices that increase your faith. Within a couple of weeks I realized the one cup of coffee was a bad idea. It wasn't meshing with me yelling less. I was irritable, which equates to short tempered. Was this bringing me closer to God?

Ironically at the same time I was pondering this a host on Catholic radio brought up the same topic. Lenten sacrifices should bring you closer to God and be reevaluated along your journey. Being miserable every day of Lent, pulling away from God, and perhaps annoying friends and family as you stick to your promise fails. You want them to see the light of God in you not see a miserable Catholic. In fact, on fasting days you should appear refreshed and strong just like you do every other day.

So I welcomed back coffee but still drink less. It centers me and my afternoon cup was always enjoyed after school/work as I talked to darling daughter about our days. Me being grouchy wasn't good for us. We even discussed it and she agreed, drink the coffee Mommy!

But I didn't just want to add it back in without doing anything. I needed to do something. So I opted to really focus on devoting more time in prayer and at the time I didn't see this as giving something up but adding something in but as I type this I realize I did have to give something up to do more of something else. Less computer time, less lazy time, and with running to the rosary, less music time or drifting mind time. More focus on God, less focus on me and my wants.

In hindsight, this is perfect! This is how it should be. Why didn't I think of this before? But ultimately that is part of Lent. Growing in faith. Finding a better you more connected to God. And for me, it was a learning time and a hard learning lesson that I still thought too much about me and desired words of affirmation way too much. I should do things just because and even though a thanks is nice, not getting one shouldn't annoy me. In all reality, who I should be concerned about pleasing is God.

How am I doing on the yelling? Argh...I had to reach out for prayers to help ease my overwhelmed mind and not let messes in the house or a sassy girl get the best of me. Oh that sass! Lord, please help me! And He is. I am praying more on that that too.

And prayer makes a difference. My house is getting well, more peaceful. Dear hubby and I are back to our date nights and focusing time of each other. I am letting some of the messes go and just enjoying the moment. I am cuddling more and trying to structure my errand/chore time better so I can be there for my family in a happier way. At work, I am centering on God and not getting overwhelmed by the 300+ emails and orders to be entered. I am taking each order one at a time and going forward with faith. And I have been blessed with one work at home day a week so my at work days have a defined purpose and my work at home day has a defined purpose and guess what? It is leaving me more focused and efficient.

Daily Gratitude: I am thankful I can work a day a week from home.

Daily Bible Verse: Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise. ~ Proverbs 19:20