I have a confession to make, I have been afraid. I know this may sound silly. We have all experienced fear...sometimes paralyzing fear. Fear is part of being human but fear is something I want less of as a God-loving Christian and remember, my power word for this year was COURAGE. How ironic that at the end of the year I am writing a post on fear. God is marvelous because I do see Him at work in all of this.
The San Bernardino shootings struck me at a cord a bit too close for comfort. When my phone received the alert my heart sunk and as I texted my co-worker and close friend the response what that the location was close to where her brother is. Once again too close for comfort. Then I found it was at a facility that serves those with special needs and that too close for comfort began to feel like the carpet being pulled out from under my feet. My heart broke for those affected and I cried on the way home as I heard reports and tried to comprehend the why and what would drive people to violence and then it hit me. Violence can happen ANYWHERE and I was getting close to running the Honolulu Marathon. I got scared and questioned, "Should I?" Once again I texted my co-worker only for her to say, "YES!"
But things didn't become peachy instantly. Just last night I had a bad dream in which I firsthand was experiencing terrorism and by God's grace, we were not harmed...just felt it outside our doors very close as we prayed for protection of all. And then I woke up shaken once again asking, "Should I run? Is this a sign I am not to race? Am I in danger? What about my family?"
The thing is, I will be called home exactly when God calls me home and my life, that of my husband, and that of my daughter are all in God's more than capable hands. On the first day of fear I was comforted by this verse...
It immediately reminded me that I am not to react to fear but to respond trusting my Lord and having faith. Hiding under a rock the rest of my life would not do anyone any good and definitely sets the wrong example for darling daughter. Still, a few days later the dream shook my foundation and faith a wee bit. I became doubtful.
Good question, isn't it? Why am I letting fear, which comes from the devil, cause me to doubt? Why not have confidence in the Lord and safety along the race course? Why not have faith?
Because bad dreams can lead to doubt but God is always at work reminding me to have faith. And as I discussed my recent lack of courage with another good friend, my faith began to grow. That is why I LOVE having sisters in Christ...we support one another and lift each other up! And my bible study led me to this verse...
So where do I stand now? Stronger in faith and more confident that God is by my side...each and every day. I will fear no harm knowing He loves and cares for me and frankly, I am beginning to grin ear to ear because pre-marathon jitters are not new to me. They happen each and every time. This time they are just testing my faith and you know what? That makes me a stronger believer!
Daily Gratitude: I am thankful for the struggles in life as through these challenges, I grow closer to God.