It is NOT in my mind

Today I am pulling out that proverbial soapbox and stepping up onto it.

One thing that bugs me is how quickly people can dismiss or disregard a symptom/ailment/sickness if it isn't black and white. If you have a cold, there are no questions. If you have a virus, again, no questions. Are you injured and there are physical signs? Again, no questions.

But there are always those ailments that seem to be hidden, swept to the side, not really faced head on. One that recently came front and center is depression but yet so many times someone might say I am feeling depressed and it is not taken seriously. They are told to cheer up, look on the bright side, get out and do something.

I have a "thing" for lack of a better word that has been plaguing me for over two years. It started in July of 2013. In all reality, now in hindsight I see that it was creeping up before then but on that one summer night in Texas I got a rush of heat up my arms, my heart rate increased, my head felt funny, and I was shaking out of control so hard my teeth were chattering. The ambulance came, took me to the ER, and said anaphylactic shock. You see, I had stopped eating dairy, ate a piece of cake with dairy in it, and this all started after the last bite.

But it wasn't anaphylactic shock. Ironically, that diagnosis was made weeks later when I was back home. I was in the doctor's office for an intense allergy testing and it happened again. There was no response to the allergens and the doctors that were watching me closely knew this was not the typical allergen response. In fact the allergist said if this happens again don't ever let anyone give me epinephrine. My heart rate is increasing. But he couldn't tell me what was up and joked not to eat cake or go for allergy tests.

The next day it happened again while I was driving darling daughter. I pulled over as I was getting pretty darn good at recognizing the first signs. We went to the ER, they observed me, ran lots of blood work, and I followed up with my doctor. Again, no real answers. Yes, I am having an adrenaline response of some sort. When my husband asked if it was just anxiety the doctor replied something was causing it...so nope. When I asked about hormones the doctor said possibly. When I mentioned perimenopause he joked women don't end up in the ER due to perimenopause. Thanks doctor.

My primary doctor is more understanding and tested my hormones but those things fluctuate up and down and she stated as much. She was testing what they were right then...not when things started going crazy.

Why am I telling you this? Because I woke up in the middle of the night to a tingling left arm. I think I was laying on it funny and tried to shake it out. It still bugged me so I got up and walked around. I noticed my ring was tight so I managed to pull it off. It could just be bloating. It is that time of the month but then the fuzzy head came, the chills, and I woke my husband up asking him to just sit with me. The shakes came back. My heart beat was like a raging ocean in my mind but when I took my pulse it seemed fine. My teeth were chattering away and I was using all my mental strength to try to stop the clattering, the shakes, and not to bite my tongue. Out of frustration and desperation I stated there is something wrong with me. My husband said I was doing it to myself. He meant no harm. He doesn't do well with uncertainty and health things. He was offering me a cup of tea...anything. Anything to make him feel better and put some sense of normalcy on things. But in my mind I was desperately trying to find the trigger. I was upset that this happened again. It had been over a year since the last episode. It is unnerving and I didn't want to be told it was my own doing.

It eventually stopped and I sat in place mentally and physically drained. In all reality, the shakes probably lasted less than 10 minutes. I finally went back to bed, reset my alarm, and decided to run after work. I needed that extra hour of sleep.

What is the trigger? I don't really know and no one does. I still blame hormones. It has been a tough cycle and yesterday I was feeling really down and blue. The hardest part is reestablishing trust in your body. All I can do is put my faith in God and ease my mind that way as I doubt any doctor will be able to give me better answers anytime soon.

Daily Gratitude: I am thankful my husband did get up after midnight to sit with me.
Daily Affirmation: I am stronger than the shakes.


  1. so sorry friend. but listen to what your body needs. hormones can be so tricky with that.. I agree! xxoo

  2. My friend, I for one would never think I'll of you. Your so amazing and I will be praying for you!! Please add Bill and I to your prayers. I'll try and explain but please pray!! Love you!

    1. Praying....and thank you for your support.


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