7.23.2014

Goodbye FEAR, Hello FAITH

It dawned on me this morning that FEAR was taking a hold on me and I realized, I needed to shake it off.

First, let's rewind. I have been questioning if breaking a 4 hour marathon has value, if I can do it, if I should, if it really matters. In all reality, I have been battling FEAR. I just wasn't able to pinpoint what was going on until today.

FEAR.

It is a nasty thing. If you were to look at its definition, and I did, you would discover that fear is literally an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that something/someone is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

As I sit here staring at that definition I realize why my goal of breaking a 4 hour marathon is generating fear. Yes, running a marathon is likely to cause pain. Been there, done that. And yes, that pain will go away and varies in intensity. That is not my issue.

So what is?

No, my goal isn't dangerous per se and it is not a threat to me. I have accepted that there will be pain making that issue null and void but the butterflies still stir.

Why?

Because I am putting myself out there. I have told the world what my new big dream/goal is and this leaves me exposed and vulnerable. I am open about my training, I will tell you when I fall off schedule and why (vacation, family, work, etc.), I will share my triumphs, and I will share my struggles.

No one is perfect in this world and my blog is about reality. I will tell you when I have fallen down and recently I have. I have lost sight of my power word for 2014 and it is time for me to bring it back to the center of my life.

FAITH.

Now this is a good thing. Faith defined is the complete trust and confidence in something/someone.

I can not sit here and type with 100% certainty that I will break a 4 hour marathon but I can tell you, I won't give up on my dreams. It took me 3 years to achieve my goal of breaking a 4:20 marathon so I am not giving up on my new goal in a short 7 months. That is just wrong.

What matters most is not if I achieve my goal but rather, if I keep striving to be the best me. I will not give up when things are tough. I have been training hard and the long mid-week runs are tough mainly from the standpoint of working them into my work week before starting work at 6:00 am each day. This determination will pay off. Yes, I have juggled my training here and there but I am still in solid standing and ahead of the game from where I was last year.

Last summer my training slipped too and I didn't do one set of intervals while on vacation. This time, I did my intervals....each week. I lost my long runs both years but I had some good weeks with lovely mileage this year. I got lots of time on the roads in Texas heat. That will count for something. I will not lose FAITH in myself because I FEAR failure. Failure is not something to be feared but embraced. In all reality, for a person to stand up and say I have never failed they are really saying I have never fully pushed myself to my limits. Sorry, but I do believe that is true.

I have fallen down. I got back up. I will fall back down. I will get back up. Falling down just shows I don't give up, that I continue to try new things, and that I set challenges for myself. I will continue to do so.

How about you?

Daily Gratitude: I am thankful for yoga opening my mind to what was really holding me back.
Daily Affirmation: I have FAITH in myself.

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