10.11.2012

Confessions of a Worrier

I would say my fatal flaw is that I have a proclivity to worry and honestly, it does me or no one else any good. This is my Achille's hill of life that I need to find a way to push through and get to the other side to the less-stressed, less-worrisome life. But is it possible?

We were each created with our own personalities, traits, and capabilities. We were each created to be able to do and be exactly who we are supposed to be. And even though there is some worrying in my mix, I truly do believe I can push through it and worry less. I always had this tendency in life but after having my daughter, ummm.....4.5 years ago, worrying seemed to be more frequent. And honestly, it is ridiculous! It frustrates the bejiggins out out of me. Worrying NEVER fixes anything and only wastes precious time and energy that can be spent elsewhere.....such as playing, enjoying life, running!

I think I have finally seen the light, with the help of a very appreciated comment from my masseuse on Sunday. She knew I had emotional baggage to work through and was thoughtful enough to comment during the massage that all my needs in life are being met. She is right. They are. I am blessed in so many ways each and every day. Why let worry take away the joy in seeing the beauty in life? It is time to say NO to worries and YES to enjoyment! I mean, if I can dig deep and bust out awesome training runs and races, why can't I put an end to worry (or at least a major decrease)?

Now on to running because that is the "sole" purpose of this blog!

I am working hard to stick to my training plan as tight as possible this go around. Yes, there have already been detours but with me, that will always happen. And as I stood in front of the freezer last night reflecting on my progress so far and where I am going I realized something. Darnit! This training plan I plotted out for myself is kick butt tough! It is a progression of pushing and building I have never charted out for myself before. I do know I built it off of the Smart Coach app, like I did for the Maui Marathon, and adjusted it for my life but it didn't fully sink in until last night that it is some intense training. Note to self: perhaps establishing a training plan post-marathon is not the clearest moments of time to do so. 

I am not worried about the plan, I just realized it was tough. And sometimes just realizing that you are doing major work makes the work more bearable, the aches more understandable, the fatigue more natural. 

I have been doing a great job this week sticking to my plan and getting the miles in.....if you forget Sunday. Sunday was to be my long run day and with my two runs that day, I ended up with 6.5 miles. Not where I wanted to be but still the most miles on a single day since the Maui Marathon. Shouldn't I take pride in that? And in hindsight, I now know other factors were working against my performance abilities that day and from those, I have recovered.

Monday was to be 3 miles and I did them. I didn't manage to pull myself out of bed at 4:00 am so I ran them at home at an incline.

Tuesday was to be 3 miles and I did 3.25 miles. Once again, I didn't manage to pull myself out of bed at 4:00 am so I ran at home at an incline and started trying to up my home pace a wee bit. I succeeded.

Wednesday I had 7 miles on the schedule. I didn't quite get out of bed at 4:00 am but I did manage to run before work. Huge success there! But running time was limited to get me to the office by 6:00 am. I ran mile repeats. I pushed myself hard. I ended up with 5.03 miles and it was indeed hard work. I was happy and knew I could do the final 2 miles at home....and I did. Success!

And last night I was tired. Achy tired. And that is what left me standing in front of my freezer pondering my training. I had minimal runs scheduled for the weekend since originally I was to be in workshops pretty much from Friday night to Sunday night. That changed. So my training can change. I thought the 7 miles slated for today could be swapped for one of my later runs. But I decided to make the call in the morning. I try not to make major training decisions in moments of doubt.

Today my alarm went off at 3:45 am after a mere 6 hours sleep. I was tired. And I went back to sleep for another hour. And I am glad. I need to sleep and rest and thanks to all of you who continue to support that choice of mine. I know I can run today at home after work. I know I can do 3 miles today and the 7 miles later. I know I will continue to kick butt in training this week as long as I am smart and listen to my body. This week was altered to front load miles but I don't need to do that anymore. I can run smart and I will!

Daily Gratitude: I am thankful for the comments that told me it is good to rest.
Daily Affirmation: I am happy and grateful for everything I have and receive daily.

8 comments:

  1. Worrying is definitely one of those nasty demons that can really get us down! Ugh' I know the feeling. Combatting it with rational thoughts and admitting my worries to realize how silly they are helps me often. Also lots and lots of prayer!! Spa love!

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    1. So true on the prayer. So much is out of our control and we just need to put our faith and trust out there and live our lives as happily as we can!

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  2. I think the older my kids get the more I worry. I think I used to be much more carefree. I just have to remind myself that all I can do is my part and trust in God for the rest.

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  3. running streak amazing...seriously even with your races!!!

    I know my husband has been one of the greatest gifts to me...he doesn't worry about much that is beyond his control. That has shaped me some, but honestly watching my mother worry incessantly is probably even bigger. i don't want to be unhappy or stressed like her so I've worked on letting go

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  4. Yeah, that darn worrying!

    I just read a post on Jenn's Adventures where Jenn cited a scripture she likes about taking our troubles to God and 'leaving them there'.

    I like to believe that things happen for a reason so even when things are happening I don't like, I know there is a lesson in it for me. Makes the bad easier to take, and then there is no need to worry!

    Wish you well with overcoming it.. or perhaps accepting it!

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  5. I worry.
    All the time.
    Always.
    I worry about stuff that MIGHT happen...that is crazy I know.
    Now I worry about real stuff going on in my life..and it is exhausting. My husband is more laid back and optimistic. I am a worrier who is a realist. not a good combo

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  6. That is so interesting. I was about to write about worry myself. How it does me do no good? How I have an issue letting go? Yes you hit it right out the park with the fact that what we have is exactly what we need. Keep on thinking my friend and keep on running.

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  7. I'm a worrier. And most of the time, what I worry about turns out not to be a problem. My husband is the opposite, so I drive him crazy with that.

    And sometimes sleep does more good than running...

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