7.10.2012

Getting Focused....again

I am feeling completely out of tune with myself and honestly, I have only been off my training plan for less than a week....not much less since today is day 6. This is not anything huge and should be no reason to cause alarm, uncertainty, panic, or other fidgety thoughts. But it seems I am losing confidence in myself, my body, and my capabilities.

All this was going through my mind when my alarm went off at 4:15 am. I was supposed to get up and go running but I started pondering how I didn't feel strong anymore. I felt

Source
Yep, I felt fragile. I didn't trust my body. I wasn't sure about my muscles and if they would support me. I was tempted to just stay in bed, rest longer, and do just a mile later after work. But I was tired of just a mile. The just a miles were wearing me down mentally. I know a mile is better than none but I wanted needed more to reestablish my confidence in myself. I wanted to feel strong.

To put things in perspective for you here is what I have been doing. I ran 18 miles on the 1st and loved each step. Monday I did 1.5 miles. Tuesday through Saturday I did a daily mile mainly because I tweaked my hip on July 4th. I got a massage on Saturday and I was all crooked before and achy after. On Sunday I ran 3.25 miles and I could feel my body flushing aches out. Yesterday I squeezed in a mile before taking darling daughter to school and went to a chiropractor in the afternoon. That in itself is a topic for another post. And today I lingered in bed so long I only had time to run 2 miles before work. And that is where I am....stuck. Aching. Doubtful.

I know the aches are due to my muscles readjusting. It is to be expected after deep tissue massages. I was told to expect it after my adjustment (and I have to go in for a recheck tomorrow to see if things are holding). I know I am working my muscles in new ways to get them back to where they are supposed to be. I know I am not turning into a weakling incapable of running over the past few days. I know that this week was to be a recovery week anyhow so I shouldn't be beating myself up. But I want to get my game back on. I want to feel strong again.

And in all reality, to get my game back on I have to step up to the plate and be ready to get my game back on. Tomorrow I NEED to get up early and run before work because if I don't I risk not being able to run tomorrow. If the chiropractor has to do another adjustment she will ask me to take the evening off again to allow the work to take root. So I WILL get up early and run tomorrow morning.

I know I have uncertainties about getting back into my long run schedule but I really do have confidence that I will make it happen. I know I am concerned about juggling my training schedule with my mom being here for three weeks but I have faith I will make it happen. No one can give me confidence in myself. Only I can take away my confidence. Only I can give it back. So it is time for me to suck it up. Stop feeling sorry for myself. Stop letting a little ache bring me down.

I am strong. I was strong enough to cut back miles when I wanted to run since it was the smart thing to do. I was strong enough to overcome my fear and walk through that chiropractor's door. I was strong enough to not stay in bed so long this morning that I had no time to run. I was strong enough to tell the world that I felt weak and fragile.

I will make my dreams happen and so will you!

Daily Gratitude: I am thankful I can share my insecurities to a wonderful online community.
Daily Affirmation: I am strong.

7 comments:

  1. This is exactly what I needed to hear today! For various reasons, I have not run in a month and now I have this nervousness about starting up again. I am thinking I am not going to be able to do it? WHY am I telling myself that??? I can do anything!!
    Again, I'm very grateful to have found your facebook page and now your blog!! Patsy at ArmsWideOpen

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am so glad this post touched you. After writing it I was reading a few and stumbled across one that touched me too. Made me think...all my grumbling over a little ache is nothing! I am very fortunate to be able to run and run through this ache.

      Delete
  2. You definitely are strong! 190+ straight days strong!! Mom strong!! Marathon strong! Runner strong!! You can do anything you want just keep believing in yourself!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Run sweet friend .. run strong, run smart. Listen to your body as it knows. It has always known and you are in tune with it now. Listen but maintain your strength, your drive, your ambition. You are a runner now. So be who you are. A brilliant runnung mom.

    ReplyDelete
  4. you are so strong and dedicated! I know you will find the strength you feel like you're missing and I know you will come back for those longer runs. Listen to your body though and trust it. It won't steer you wrong

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love this post! I fell you could have written it for me. I tweaked my hip/hamstring/glute a couple of weeks ago, and I haven't been on any sort of schedule since. I too have started to panic a bit. Right now, I am trying to just find the joy in what I CAN do and not worry about what I can't do. I hope it helps!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Have patience with yourself!

    ReplyDelete

Let's chat!