Feeling helpless....

and it has nothing to do with running. That front is going well and I will return to talking about that tomorrow.

But today all I can think of darling daughter who is four and having a hard time at pre-school. It seems she is missing me and crying more than usual. I want her to be happy. Her teachers want her to be happy. Her dad wants her to be happy. We are all torn and at a loss. In all reality, I think she is just bored and needs a bit more structure right now as there is a lot of free time for "summer" but I could be wrong. She says she just misses me....and has hinted that there are no new things to do.

I can't help but feel like a failure as a mom since we have been trying to troubleshoot this for a couple of weeks now and I feel I am in the same boat. It breaks my heart for her to be sad. It breaks my heart to hear she had another tough day. It breaks my heart to be so helpless to do anything. It breaks my heart to have to hear from her teachers again about her having a rough day.

What I do know is that her school environment is loving, bright, and enriching and that she is surrounded by people who care and are trying diligently to help her over this hurdle. Why now? I really don't know but she has a few more weeks until summer break and then it is a whole new year.

And if anyone has any advice please share. We have tried rewards for no crying, her picking out "new" toys today, and me printing out activity sheets the whole class can use. That part starts tomorrow.

Go figure, I can run 10.15 miles with ease this morning but can't find an answer here.

Daily Gratitude: I am thankful for the teachers who all do genuinely care about my daughter.
Daily Affirmation: It is hard to find one when I feel so helpless but I can say, I am a caring mom who has a lot of empathy for my daughter, and others.


  1. Oh, I'm so sorry that your daughter is having a hard time. It breaks my heart and my boys have definitely gone through similar rough times. Has she been OK and happy at school up until now? It's likely just a phase (I know, everything is a phase). I know that it can feel this way but you are definitely not a failure as a mom.

    One thing that I used to do for my boys when they were having a rough time was leave them notes in their backpack or cubby to let them know that I loved them and missed them. Or sometimes a picture or other thing that they associated with Mommy. Or a lovey that she can bring with her? Just some thoughts and I hope it helps. Good luck!

  2. I asked my two daughters. The 9 year old suggested a photo of you and a special note to read; the 6 year suggested your voice saying something nice.

    1. Maybe blend the two together with you reading a special note that she could listen to anytime she needs a boost?

  3. Aww, sorry this is a problem right now. I would love to hear what everyone says too as my little guy starts preschool this fall and I'm pretty sure this will be an issue for us too. Love the idea of the little notes and stuff. Good luck.

  4. MeganS7:40 PM

    We had a lot of similar problems when my daughter started kindergarten last fall. We tried notes in her folder and a picture taped to her table at school. We tried gentle understanding and tough love. But she really just needed time to get past it on her own. It was very hard on all of us though. I don't usually believe in retail therapy but I did for those few weeks! Good luck.

  5. Anonymous2:06 AM

    Oh this is so hard. I feel your pain. sometimes the only thing that helps is time. but you might have something that it's not structured enough. Especially if she's at the same place and it WAS more structured during the school year. Can the teachers give her a few extra things to do at all?

  6. Oh honey! I am seriously tearing up reading this!!! As a teacher let me rest your heart in saying that a lot....I mean a lot of kids go through this at one point in time. As a first grader I cried literally every day....my mother tried everything (bringing all sorts of pets for show-and-tell, driving me to school...) and it was just one of those things. As a teacher I have had students the same way. I would assure parents that their children would be ok as I almost literally carried them into the school each morning. As a parent though I can only imagine the heartbreak. She sounds like she is in a nurturing place and that is what she needs. Continue to love on her while she is at home...write her notes that she can carry to school with her...and run (for your sanity!). You will all get through this but I know it is so hard!! Hand in there!!!

  7. Thanks for all the comments, love and support. Yes, she has been okay for awhile and just entered a tough phase again recently. I am going to try some of the new suggestions and revisit the notes again but just hearing the repetition of give it time helps a bit. And more cuddle and love time at home....and I love that part too!

  8. Anonymous8:20 AM

    Good luck! It's always heartbreaking to see something like this happen. I know my son was super sensitive to other kids having bad days and he wouldn't want to go if he had had someone else in his class upset.

    I may have misunderstood, but it sounds like things will be coming to an end soon for summer break. Has she been okay for most of the year? Perhaps she is worried about the change in schedule coming up? I don't know if this helps at all anymore because summer is almost here for you, but maybe it would help if you could volunteer once in a while at her school? I think having me and my parents volunteer at various times with my daughter's school helped her adjust. Sometimes it was just going to have lunch with her, but it helped. Food for thought for next year if this continues anyway and you are in a position to do this.

  9. I went through this with both of my boys in Kindergarten. I used to have to peel my oldest son's arms off my legs in the morning and run out of the before-care facility with tears flowing every day - needless to say I kept my makeup in the car and put it on at work! It took him until November-December to come around. My youngest started Kindergarten this past year and he had a rough time the entire year off and on...it was heartbreaking for me but I knew he was with a teacher who was loving and caring (and I knew she wouldn't put up with it for long)! I know how hard it is for you as the mother, so I'm sending you virtual hugs as you work through this!


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