I had dreams of a great night last night but life happened and my evening turned from great to awful in a split of a second. Nothing truly terrible. Just silliness and hurt feelings which left me feeling worthless. I went to bed with things unresolved (I am so against this but you can't force others to do what you want) and when my alarm went off this morning I just wanted to tell it to go away. I laid in bed with no desire to get up. I thought of my goals to run 10 and 6.2 miles the next two days and still couldn't get up. Finally, I pulled my unwilling mind out of bed in just enough time to pull off 6.2 miles before work. I still didn't want to.
On the whole drive to the gym I had no motivation, no desire, I was grouchy. I tried giving myself pep talks about how pushing through this barrier will improve my mental training for race day. Bah humbug. I then began to get annoyed with myself by letting hurt feelings impact me so much. But I was too grouchy to listen to me.
So I made it to the gym and told myself it would be foolish to not run now. I got on the treadmill and told myself just one easy mile. You can't let hurt feelings break your running streak. I set the speed a wee bit lower to give myself a bit of a break and started running. I was still grumpy but getting really mad at myself now by letting little things cause me so much distress. I told myself I had to stay on the darn treadmill until I was happy. Yep, I just pulled the "you are not leaving the dinner table until you finish your vegetables trick" on myself for running. Kinda funny, huh?
3 miles I was happy. Quite happy. Having fun happy. Feeling good and optimistic happy. I met the condition I set for myself and could get off now. But why on Earth would I stop running when I really wanted to run a 10K and I was happy? That would just be crazier than crazy! So I ended up running 6.38 miles with an average pace of 9'24" and you know what, I am happy.
Today I am grateful for:
- Getting it done
- Good songs that helped cheer me up
- Pop Tarts - I really do love these for pre-run fuel for my longer runs, don't ask me why but they work for me
- My insulated coffee cup....really, I can put coffee in it before 5:00 am and it is still warmish 3 hours later
- Patient Volunteers