1.19.2012

"I am running this weekend, you know"

My dear hubby said this to me the other night. My response, "uh, yeah, I do know."

I have mentioned his upcoming race here and there but I don't think I officially blogged about it. My reasons for not saying much are quite pathetic now that I think about it. I really do try to stick to the theme of my blog but today I am going to stray slightly (although there is running in here) and say things are rocky between dear hubby and me. I have faith we will overcome our hurdles in life but it is because of the rockiness that I haven't blogged his goals. Plus my blog is generally more focused on my running. 

The heart of the problem is that men and women do communicate differently. I know, I am "blaming" the textbook excuse but it is true. I do offer more advice than I should and I can see now that it makes him feel bad. I guess it is true that he takes my advice as me saying, "I don't trust you can do this." That isn't the case but let's not go down that road.

On the 22nd my dear hubby will be attempting his 1st marathon. This is from a guy who said he would never run a marathon. We all know never rarely means never, right? I really don't know what his motivator is besides him telling me once or twice or three times or more that he was tired of being on the sidelines all the time. Cool! Although the sensitive woman in me would love to hear that he would stand on the sidelines all day supporting my running. In my attempt to make positive change in our relationship I have held back all okay almost all unsolicited advice, comments, questions, etc. Why? Besides I want him to feel confident in his run, to take ownership of his run, and I am just trying to do the right thing.

Source
Although, I am going behind-the-scenes without him knowing to look at the course map, see when packet pick-up is, confirm that there is no post-race shuttle, etc. Why? Because I love him. And that is why it hurt when he said he would have his son drop him off at the start and he would take the post-race shuttle back to a central place where I can pick him up. What?! I tried to keep my cool but I was hurt. I was hurt he didn't ask/want me to be at the finish with darling daughter waiting for him. When I expressed this he said he just didn't want to inconvenience us. What?! We haven't talked about this since  but I will be at the finish with darling daughter because a) there is no post-race shuttle (and I haven't told dear hubby that he was mistaken), b) it is his first marathon, c) it is the right thing to do as a wife even though the stubborn side of me thought for a minute, fine, we won't be there, and d) runners support one another, always.

Today I am grateful for:
  • Honesty
  • My health
  • Daily Mile comments and inspiration
  • Memories
  • Product reviews to share and to read

10 comments:

  1. oh erica, sending you so many hugs. I know things can be tough sometimes and guys can be stubborn. I hope you guys get through these hurdles and that you and hubby both have fun that day. I hope he appreciates you and realizes how you want to be there for him physically and emotionally. Love ya!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I thought the same as your husband when I ran my first marathon, that I wouldn't care if my family was there or not. It's a solo race, right? But somewhere along the route, I realized that I was wrong. I needed them at the end. He'll need you there, even if he doesn't say it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's not cliche to blame "communication", I think it's just a fact. I think some men ARE good communicators, but for the rest of us with regular guys, communication can be a huge challenge and its a tough thing to work on. Main thing is, it sounds like you are. Good for you for still going to support him etc., even if he doesn't know it yet!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thanks ladies for all the love and support. It just makes me feel good that I am making the right decision to still be there at the end. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I agree communication plays a factor in our relationships with our husbands because we say one thing and they say one thing and even though it's the same thing it sounds different?? That has happened with me countless times with my hubs. I have come to the realization though that marriage is sometimes wonderful and sometimes just "bearable" but that if we chose to walk in love and make a decision based on what we know is right that it turns things around and puts us back on the same page. I think its right that you'll be there with your daughter to congratulate him on his first marathon and what an awesome wife you are for not giving your input in respect of him. We as wives are "helpmates" so we like to help and sometimes don't realize that our help can become more like nagging sometimes, I struggle with this too, and like you I have started to learn that on some things I just don't open my mouth. I'll be praying for you and you will make it through these rocky times. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Awww..hugs to you! I can relate...my hubs did the same thing...shunned any advice on his first race (he ran track in high school but I was the first one to run a race 3 years ago). Turned out he was just so nervous about his first race....so maybe your hubs is feeling a little anxious? You know how guys can be...can't communicate their feelings...keep supporting him and I think it's a great idea that you are going to wait for him at the finish line! Good luck to him this weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You are definitely doing the right thing by showing up with dear daughter at the finish line. It is such a fine line to walk, isn't it? My hubby has gotten terribly out of shape during our 15 years of marriage, and when I first started running a couple of years ago I urged him to also start running--after all, I felt so good I wanted him to reap the same benefits. I think it made him all the more determined to remain a couch potato, leaving me confused as to what I'd done wrong. Now he has finally realized that our 3 daughters deserve to have him around for a long time, and that his health is at stake here. He has begun hitting the treadmill, but I am terrified that I will either say too much about it and drive him back to the couch, or not say enough and make him think I don't care. Sigh ...

    Sending you many good wishes for an easier path ahead, Erica!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sending lots of hugs and prayers your way. I really hope things get better on the communication front. Congrats to your hubby for attempting his first marathon though. That's a big undertaking!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Wow, his first marathon, that's exciting! I would love to see my husband run a full someday, but I'm not sure it will happen. Sorry about the miscommunicating... I'm guessing it's especially hard with running-related things, since you have the experience. At least, that would be difficult for me. Looking forward to hearing about it! Oh, and I think I'll do the 2.9 run, just didn't get signed up yet. :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks again for all the supportive comments. It really does mean a lot to me!

    ReplyDelete

Let's chat!