10.28.2011

The Phone Call That Changed Everything

As I was loaded up the car for another trip to home 2 my phone rang. I didn't get to it in time but went ahead and checked the message right away....just in case it was something important.

The gist of the message --- Your toe is broken. It needs to be wrapped up. You need to wear stabilizing shoes like tennis shoes. Let's forget I don't have tennis shoes, I have running shoes.

I was crushed, devastated, not happy at all. But I kept my head on straight and called back to verify the stabilizing shoe thing. If you have been following my blog, you know I have tried on my running shoes to go run only to discover I can't take a step in them without intense pain.

The following conversation went something like this.

Doctor: Yep, you have a broken toe. It is the tip of the toe right near the nail. 
Me: I know exactly where. It is where it hurts like crazy when anything touches it. So about those stabilizing shoes, what would be your advice if I can't put on running shoes?
Doctor: Yes, you need to tape up your toe and wear shoes that keep your toe still.
Me: I understand but my question is what is a good alternative to a running shoe? I am a runner and have tried them on recently because I wanted to run but it is too painful to even walk a few steps in them.
Doctor: Oh, your toe hurts? Then you shouldn't run.
Me: I realize that but do you have a suggestion of an alternative for me?
Doctor: Hmmm, you should wear tennis shoes.
Me: Even if they cause more pain? Really?
Doctor: Well, you don't want your toe to move. You can't walk?
Me: Yes, I can walk and have been wearing slippers (aka flip flops to some of you) but it is the running shoes that make it hurt. They are pressing too much on the swollen toe.
Doctor: Oh. Hmmm.... I could write a prescription for a shoe for you to get that has hard soles because you don't want your toe to move.
Me: (Now I am getting way too annoyed and frustrated) No thank you. It seems a little too late for that. I had the x-ray a week ago. I have been walking. Any odd healing has probably already taken place. Is there any reason it took a week to let me know my toe was broken?
Doctor: I'm not your regular doctor. (no kidding!)


I am sure you can imagine how frustrated and hopeless this left me. And yes, I got extremely depressed and quite angry with the medical system. But there was nothing I could do about it and that just made me fume more inside. I would love to say I had a comforting shoulder to cry my heart on, but no I didn't. Eventually I ended up venting to dear hubby and defending my right to be mad, upset, and to vent. Defending the right of woman to just express their feelings with freedom. If men can go have their quiet time than we can vent and men can stand by and listen to us with support and compassion, right?

It helped a little but I had dreams of no running. I woke up feeling empty, sad, and hopeless. I am trying to find the lesson that is hidden in this and to see the silver lining but I can't. I am annoyed.

But on the way to work I stopped and bought some footwear that may be more stabilizing. Real slippers this time. Some slip-on slipper shoes (think Isotoner style) that I may be able to be a bit more active in and a pair of stellar slipper boats. Yes, it hurts more to walk in these than what I was wearing but they provide a little more support to the well-wrapped up toe.

Today I am grateful for (and this is taking a lot of effort):
  • Slipper boots
  • My darling daughter
  • A job I can sit down at (normally bugs me but now, it is a blessing)
  • 3-day weekends
  • Halloween

7 comments:

  1. Oh no, I'm so sorry erica :( even more frustrating with unhelpful docs. Try to rest this weekend and relax, do something to take your mind off it.

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  2. Sorry to hear about your toe. I have had nightmares thinking that there might be a time when I can not run. I wish you a speedy recovery and rock those slipper/boots!

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  3. How frustrating!! I hope you get time to research a solution that works for you =\ I'll pray for a quick(er) recovery!

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  4. Thanks for the love and happy thoughts. And the bright side, I have received plenty of comments on my new "shoes" today. At least I am a bit more stylish and I am sure my darling daughter will appreciate that.

    Perhaps now is the time to do more strength training, yoga, meditation....

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  5. Ouch! I hope you are able to get back on the road soon! Think long term, let it heal properly. Running will always be there for you! During my run (in the OCTOBER snow!!) today I had an injury from earlier this fall pop back up (literally pop). I'm hoping I can follow my own advice and take it easy.

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  6. Oh no--I am SO sorry to hear this! Heal, toe, heal!

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  7. Thanks for the love. I think I have come to terms that I just need to relax and heal. It will heal quicker and better if I am good to it, right?

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